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Dear Warren Coalition:
My son has asked me to host “safe” graduation parties. The kids would drink, but I
would make sure that nobody drives home. Besides, if these kids can
go to war at age 18, why can’t they have a
drink?
Answer by Diane Fisher,
Counselor/Educator:
There is no such thing as a “safe” party when you mix minors
and alcohol. Alcohol is the #1 youth drug problem, killing 6 times
more people under the age of 21 than all other illicit drugs
combined. Alcohol use
among teens has been steadily rising since the early 1990s. Over 2,000 teenagers between
16 and 20 years of age die every year in alcohol-related car
crashes. Providing
alcohol to minors is sending a very dangerous message to your teen
and could lead to future problems. National statistics show that
most teens don’t drink! 70% of WCHS students said that they were
not drinking when they had the most fun with their friends in the
past year, and one of those times was the prom! ( December, 2003)
Before making a decision, consider Virginia
alcohol laws and parental responsibility. Virginia law
says you are liable for negligence and may be held responsible both
civilly and criminally if a partygoer or a thirds person is injured
(assault, alcohol poisoning, car crash, sexually assaulted,
etc.) or damages
property during or after the party. You could face criminal
charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, for providing
or allowing alcohol to be used by minors in your home or purchasing
alcohol for them to use at another location. Purchasing, aiding, and
abetting or giving alcohol to minors is a Class 1 misdemeanor, and
is punishable by up to one year in jail and/or a $2,500 fine.
The
teens are also breaking the law by drinking or possessing alcohol
under the age of 21, also a Class 1 misdemeanor, and could face a
fine of up to $2,500, a year in jail, 50 hours of community service,
and lose their driver’s licenses for up to a year.
It takes less
alcohol to damage a young brain than to damage a fully mature one,
and the young brain is damaged more quickly. (Alcohol Res.
Health) Brains are not
fully developed until nearly 25 years of age. Adolescents can become
addicted in a shorter period of time. Underage drinking can impair
memory, academic success, and behavior. ONE drink can affect a
teen’s judgment, which is why underage drinking is responsible for
fatal car crashes at twice the rate in young drivers as drivers aged
21 and older. The legal
drinking age is 21 for a reason. It also explains why 24 percent of
teens aged 15 to 17 had “done more” sexually than they had planned
and 12 percent of those teens reported having unprotected sex as a
result of drug or alcohol use.
It is proven that underage drinking is linked to violent and
aggressive behavior. 40% of our violent crime, rape and sexual
assault, and 75% of spouse violence are linked to alcohol. Research
shows that teens who drink are 50 times more likely to use cocaine
and 22 times more likely to use marijuana. There are no “pros” for
giving teens alcohol.
Research and consider alcohol’s effects on the stomach,
esophagus, pancreas, heart, fetus, and the liver, as
well.
Why
not host an ALCOHOL-FREE Party or “mocktail” party? The VA Dept. of Alcoholic
Beverage Control has published a few helpful tips for hosting a
party: limit the guest list and ask uninvited or unruly guests to
leave; watch the punch bowl at all times or serve soft drinks in
cans or bottles, to avoid tampering; keep the lights on; and make
certain rooms in the house off limits. Walk through frequently; and
if you suspect a guest has used alcohol or other drugs contact
his/her parent immediately.
Give guidelines, then allow your teen and his friends do the
planning. 33% of nearly
200,000 students nationally surveyed said that their parents often
do not set clear rules—you can be in the majority. Show your teen
that you can have fun and be really COOL without alcohol, and have
no regrets.
For
more information, contact the Warren Coalition at 636-6385 or visit
our website for interesting “mocktail” recipes. Free brochures titled,
“Just the Facts: VA Alcohol Laws and Parental
Responsibility” or “Parental Guide to hosting responsible
teen parties” are available through the office or contact The
Bureau of Law Enforcement, Dept. of Alcoholic Beverage Control at
804-213-4565.
My daughter is a senior this year and we are
deep into college preparations. We are excited, yet a little
apprehensive about this new adventure. What is my role in this
transition?
(Answer by Diane Fisher,
Counselor/Educator)
College is a definite turning point in your relationship, as
your daughter moves from under your rules and roof to independence
and finding her niche.
With the opportunities and challenges of college life comes a
little insecurity, although she may not admit it. Studies show that parents
are still an important influence on their college students, but it
is important to know when to give advice and when to back off.
In choosing a college there are many factors to consider:
academic criteria, courses offered, cost, housing, the size of the
student body, extracurricular and social activities offered by the
college and community, etc.
Share your expectations with her, but encourage her to gather
and process information to make many decisions on her own, even if
it means learning the hard way. Allow her the opportunity to
work out problems with the proper staff and administrators. Young people over the age of
18 are considered adults and treated as such by colleges. Influenced by the values
that you have instilled, she will become the independent thinker
that you are raising her to be. Knowing that young people
who attend church have more protective factors and resiliency,
encourage her to find a church with a young congregation, which will
be a good source of friends, encouragement, and support.
It is also important to discuss your concerns about the
extent of alcohol and other drug use on campus. Alcohol causes 1,400 deaths
and 500,000 injuries on college campuses across the country each
year, and figures into many of the 70,000 cases of sexual assault or
date rape (NIAAA). Help
your daughter understand her right to be safe
and discuss various ways to handle
situations should she be affected by someone else’s drinking such as
: interrupted study or sleep time, assault or unwanted sexual
advances, fights, caring for an intoxicated student, or
humiliation. Visit the
campus and ask questions concerning their alcohol/drug policies and
programs. Do they
practice parental notification if your daughter is involved in risky
or illegal behavior such as underage drinking, public drunkenness,
drugs, or criminal activity?
(VA ABC) Talk to
current students, resident advisors, and security officers about
enforcement and activities; check out bulletin boards, resident
halls, and campus newspapers for items related to alcohol and
drinking.
Again, share clear expectations that she will be there to
focus on academics and personal development, and that underage
drinking is against the law.
Lecturing and scare tactics rarely work. Instead, give information
and share the facts.
“Students grossly overestimate the use of alcohol by their
peers. Young adults are
highly influenced by the their peers and tend to drink in amounts
they perceive to be the norm.”
(NECASA, 2001)
Those who continue drinking are consuming larger amounts, but
the truth is that many students drink very little or not at
all.
Most importantly keep in touch on a regular basis, whether
through emails, phone calls, or a combination of both. (Letters, cards, and care
packages work wonders for boosting morale and spirits.) Learn to ask questions
without sounding like an inquiry, and truly listen and offer
emotional support. Dr.
Eugenia Gerdes, a Dean at Bucknell, describes the psychological
fences that our young adults put up to regulate parental knowledge
and involvement, yet keeping the gate open just enough for us to
enter when needed. We
may never stop looking over the fence to see whether our children
are safe and making wise decisions, and we should always be
available to back them up when they open the gate. But there may be times when
we must walk through the gate uninvited – when there are serious
problems such as depression, anxiety, sexual assault, eating
disorders, or substance abuse.
“These problems have the potential to seriously impact
academic, emotional, and life development.” Know whom to contact on
campus for help.
Remember, teens mature at different rates; some need more
“help” along the way.
Expressing your trust in your daughter and not reacting
harshly, which will shut down a conversation, will help you build a
wonderful new relationship with her and make the adjustment to
college much easier for both of you. Check out www.abc.state.va.us,
www.departments.bucknell.edu/alumni/parents/backingoff.shtm, www.edc.org/hec
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